Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
