so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
