Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize