i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
