i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
