Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i drank out of a bidet.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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