OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
