Swine flu. Run for my life!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
