happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
