We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
God, I missed his penis.
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