I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
