I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
