Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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