You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
