i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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