Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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