Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
3 2 1 whiskey
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
