he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize