This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
