At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
