I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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