i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Two words: blizzard sex
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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