I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize