Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Randomize
