It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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