i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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