Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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