I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
