I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize