he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
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I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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