I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
