i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
