sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
