I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
