And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
