i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
