By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
