yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
