Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
