I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
