I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
