I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
