these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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