it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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