now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize