wakey wakey hands off snakey
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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