He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
