i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize