I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
