It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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