I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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