Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
