I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
