I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You are a genius and a whore.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
