grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i dont even know how to be here
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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