She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
