so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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