Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
