i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
