I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
